oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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