like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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