someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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