apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
