I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
