I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
