you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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