Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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