I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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