I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
