just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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