Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
