went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
