Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
