My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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