The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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