I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
