party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We left the knife in your bed.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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