I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
