Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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