when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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