remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
