she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
