so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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