giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Boobs are out for the taking
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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