I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
