Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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