ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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