Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
