omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i wish my penis had a tongue
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
