I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
