Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
