this beer tastes like vomit already
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
