I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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