if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
