What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
