I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
