Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
