Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
