best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
