just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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