Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
