what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
