I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
