I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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