Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
