My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
