woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
