ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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