guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
