Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
