Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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