Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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