there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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